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As an only child caring for my aging parents, I've had a unique perspective on elder care. I don't have siblings to help share the burden—or to argue about decisions. I've watched friends navigate the complex dynamics of caring for parents with their brothers and sisters, and I've seen both beautiful cooperation and shocking betrayal.

Let me be blunt: some adult children are more concerned about preserving their inheritance than ensuring their parents receive proper care in their final years.

The Only Child Perspective

Without siblings, all caregiving decisions fall on my shoulders. While this means no family fights over money or care options, it also means no one to share the emotional and physical toll. There's no built-in support system, no one who understands exactly what I'm going through with Mom.

The responsibility is mine alone.

That said, I don't have to deal with siblings who show up only for financial discussions or who criticize my decisions without offering to help. I've seen what happens when families prioritize money over care, and it's not pretty.

A Cautionary Tale

Let me share a story about my friend Robert and his brother Michael. Their father, Jim, needed more care than either son could provide at home. Robert, who lived nearby, found a wonderful assisted living facility just 5 minutes from his house. The place had activities Jim would enjoy, quality medical care, and most importantly, Robert could visit several times a week and take his dad out for lunch or to appointments.

The facility wasn't cheap, but Dad had saved enough to afford it. Michael, who lived three states away, was furious about the cost. "That place will eat up Dad's entire savings," he complained during their phone calls.

When Michael came to visit, he told Robert he was taking their father out for the day to the casino—Dad loved playing the slot machines. But Michael had other plans. Without telling Robert, he moved Jim to a much cheaper facility nearly two hours away in a rural area with limited amenities. Then Michael returned to his out-of-state home without telling Robert where their father was.

Robert was frantic. His calls to Michael went straight to voicemail. It took days of desperate searching and calls before he finally located his father. By then, Dad was confused and upset, wondering why Robert had abandoned him.

The cheaper facility lacked appropriate staffing and activities. Jim, once social and engaged, became withdrawn. Robert had to drive four hours round-trip to and deal with the paperwork to get Dad back. All this so Michael could preserve more of the inheritance.

The Reality of Elder Care Costs

Quality care is expensive—there's no way around it. Whether it's in-home help, assisted living, or a nursing home, the costs can quickly deplete savings that parents hoped to leave behind.

As caregivers, we face an uncomfortable truth: sometimes providing the best care means spending down parents' assets. Those who approach this reality with acceptance and grace put their parents' needs first. Those who fight against necessary care expenses to protect their future inheritance reveal where their priorities truly lie.

Finding Balance

Being an only child caring for aging parents has its challenges, but it also means I can make decisions based solely on what's best for Mom without negotiating with siblings who might have different priorities.

For those with siblings, clear communication about expectations, costs, and responsibilities is crucial before a crisis hits. Legal planning—including carefully considered powers of attorney—can prevent the kind of situation Robert faced.

The harsh truth is that money matters often reveal people's true colors. When it comes to elder care, we must ask ourselves: what matters more—an inheritance or ensuring our parents spend their final years with dignity, comfort, and proper care?

Hopefully, your family has made sound financial plans for getting older. Even without illness, healthcare doesn't cover a lot of what we need.